TRE COOL OWNZ.

creative writing i`m working on

2009-09-11T21:28:57Z

I don't remember when it was that James become infected, i only remember that day in Miss Wilson house as he called me into the room and told me to look after Angie his young bride to be. When i first meet James and Angie it was clear they had no idea of the horror the world had fallen into. What was i to do? just leave them helpless to lose all humanity like the rest? James was as stubborn as he was stupid, I... I couldnt save him. I left the room watching as the monsters distorted what ever was left of him. As i grabbed Angie pulling her away i tried to think of reason why James would willing give his life for us. We ran down the stairs, but Angie wouldn't leave him, i went after hoping i could get her before she opened the door. I made my way to the top, Angie stood there motionless " Angie we have to go now come on please just come with me i have to protect you" The room now was empty Angie`s stright face feel to tears with in seconds " Adrian ... where are they taking him? I shrugged my shoulders without saying anything, I didnt know what to say,She slowly walk to me. I know it was wroung to ignore signs i saw in her but if i was to believe she was becoming infeacted also who would that leave me with? I told myself the rapid change in character was just the morning process for James`s untimely death, But the coldness of her skin was something no one could ignore she was a cold as ice ever time i touched her, she never slept anymore. I didnt want to lose her i really didnt after being alone for a long time and someone like her steps in and take the emptiness away i couldnt let her go, I WOULDN'T let her go. Her eyes shuttered black and still i didnt want to lose her but i alread had she was no longer human eating rats and mice off street side walks. I knew i would have to act soon before it would be to late

undone story

2009-09-02T06:19:11Z

"I`m so glad we are finely doing this James we talked about if for so long i was being to feel like you didnt want me to meet your mother." Angie did not look at him as she said this but out the tinted window at the dirt cover road. " Its not that i didnt want you to meet my mother, Angie your going to be my wife my mother and I are not very close since i left and she can be.." " "SHE CAN BE A WHAT? A NUT? James be that as it may she is still your mother, and you are still family. NO matter how far you have gone." James placed his hand on Angie`s knee and smiled widely. " Hey look over out the left side" James said with much excitement " Oh God, I.. I cant believe it" Angie looked over the left side seeing a beaten up old park with nothing but a broken slide and rusty old swing,confused as to what is so existing about it. " I dont get it its just an old park James" James pulles the car over to the side unbuckling himself from his seat " NO. No see thats where your wrong." Angie gave a confused look " Its not just a park, its so much more then that, come on let go for just a bit i promise you`ll love it." Angie gets out of the car and walks over to the swings witch James is already on, Angie giving a disgusted and terrified look. "are you sure its safe on that thing?" She screamed this out but James is to lost to hear her. " James..... JAMES!" she yelled at now in a frighten harsh voice He jumps from the swing and land 2 feet from her. " Whats the matter?"
" whats the matter? are you kidding me? its the middle of the night and you just pull the car over to this death trap and go on that disease ridden swing. Is it so much to ask that you make it to our wedding, I dont wanna be a widow before i even get married. can we go now?" James takes her hand and in a soft comforting voice says " I`m sorry ok i didn't mean to make you feel bad, we will leave soon ok just walk with me there something i want you to see please." She take a deep breath in " Ok...But it better not be another swing set" James laughs at this " NO ahahah NO dont worry its not" She take his hand and they walk to the back of the park where they find an area of tress and blooming flowers. Angie's eyes sparked looking up at the stars shinning down. " What is this place?"
"When i was little my Father would bring me to this park and take me back here and teach me how to play baseball, I sucked and could never pitch right but he would always let me win and take me down to this little dinner we had down in town. Every Saturday he would wake me up extra early and it be our little thing."
James sat himself down in a patch of grass and look up at the fading sky.
"Do you miss him James?" Angie sat down now next to him taking his hands in her
James paused before answeing thinking hard on how to put into words
" I... Well sometimes i do i guess but other times i cant even really remember or i dont want to"

"Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage"

2009-07-01T03:16:27Z

OK so its been a long time again i know.
I just felt like there were things that i just dont feel the whole web world really cares to know about me. Life is life it hits hard and to take the time and write out emotions is just weird. How do i tell the world about my fearfull transition for a fuck up 10th garder to hitting my last year of high school. How do i just tie after time rejection smacks me in the fucking face. I mean fuck whats the point in getting close just to be pushed away and trashed like nothing even happedned and having to be ok about it is the worst part of all of it having to think that selfish greddy little bitches who just want things becuse they can have them. Cold Uncaring Untrusting backstabing bitches can go and get there way time after time!!!!!!!!!!! No one at home or really anyone one knows all about what happened and i plan to keep it that way all though it is werid with a family that think i had him as a boy friend when really it was somthing much less. They look at me like i`m a freek to not somone, i understand them being worried about me i am to most everyday but i cant stand there fucking pitty and the fact that there so much of me they will nerver know. Its somewhat my fult they wont know me i never tell them anthing but really on both ends there not stupid really they arnt even if they do know somthing they act as if they dont. Well manly i just wantted to write this becuse music is taking me over again and i just felt like writing to somthing even if people dont read this its out there and it will not be unwritted i look like the broken one and i hate it but what can i do fake it? But fuck it i`m gonnna be ok becuse i`m me and thats what i always do bitches

Lalttly i have been playing the guitar again it feel so good just to not have to think so much on what goig on but to just feel even if the guitar is out of tune and i still suck as much as i did before my hands can just strum and its like without saying anthing somthing happendens. it just feels good to have somthing i guess music is more then just a song on the radio with everthing i dont wanna write about, talk about, think about. I stum it away watch it waste to nothing and back again

well i`ll try and keep in touch but idk how much i`ll write i`m closed off to alot of people but when i feel its right i`ll write

new

2009-06-11T04:21:38Z

I took the 12:15 train into Grand Central to come home to a city I swore I would never miss. Home sweet home had no meaning to me now, but they did. Throughout middle school nothing could keep Caroline and me apart, nothing. We were innocent children struggling to mature when we meet Ally in our third year of high school. She had just moved from the bay area and within a week of her arrival she had gone though two boyfriends. She may have been two years younger then us, but she had much more experience.
As I looked out of the dirt covered window at all the trees and houses that rolled by, it dawned on me that I was thirty-five, just divorced, and with no children. How in God’s name could I go back and face the two women who look to me as a how-to book for there own personal happiness. I don’t have to tell them. I could just not even say anything. Maybe they wont even say his name. Oh who the hell am I kidding? Of course they will ask, "How’s old Frank doing?"
That’s the question everyone lets slip their tongue, the question everyone regrets asking later. The thing about it was that it was easy lying to everyone at work about it with the old "Oh it just wasn’t working out" or "We still are very close, but things change. We will always love each other but it’s time to move on".
I couldn’t fake that for Caroline and Ally, but what am I supposed to do? Tell them the truth that Frank is out there chasing some skirt night after night while I stay under the impression that he is working overtime so we can save up for the baby.
The baby I didn’t even have a fucking name picked out for yet and it was already gone. I never even knew I wanted a baby. In fact, I wasn’t even trying to get pregnant. I was on the pill and took every other measure to make sure it wouldn’t happen, but it must have been some kind of magic I thought when the doctor told me. Did I cry ? No. I didn’t. I never was much of a crier. I just couldn’t bring myself to be one.
The doctor gave me a funny look like he was waiting for the water works to come and for me to call every single fucking person I knew and tell them. He looked at me like I was committing some horrible crime. Can’t a girl be happy in her own way? What secret book of pregnancy rules has it written that you have to get all emotional when you find out you’re pregnant? As happy as I was, I knew something was wrong. I knew it would be only a matter of time before the doctors told me I had lost what could have been my son or daughter. That’s why I never told the girl’s. I can’t hide my dreadful divorce, but no one can force me to share the news I myself have not even recovered from.

I got off the train at the last stop, taking a good look at the station. The same station I came to when I was leaving. It seemed nothing really had changed the old billboards from movies and plays that were way out of date, and the pathetic newspaper stand with stickers and graffiti plastered all over it. The parking lot was mostly empty, a few teenagers had their cars parked up close, with loud music from whatever hot new band was out blasting from their car speakers. All the girls had on their denim jean skirts that covered nothing, and their strapless shirts that let their stomachs be seen by everyone. I never understood why girls felt the need to flaunt themselves like packs of meat. Did they really believe there boyfriends would stay with them for more then a week? But then again who am I to say anything? My husband was fucking one of those girls and I had no idea.
My husband… could I still really be calling him by such a name anymore? I still could not get the thought of us not being together anymore out of my head. I felt sick. I felt like if I walked any further my guts would spill out onto the rocky pavement beneath my quickly moving feet. I needed to get away. I needed to scream. I needed.. them
"Jenny, what in the hell took you so long I’ve been waiting here forever and a day!"
All it took to know it was Ally was, “Jenny”, no one ever in my life called me Jenny. Everyone always just kept it as plain old Jennifer or Jen. Aside from that Ally had this distinct voice, soothing and inviting.
As always Ally had on some tight fitting little red dress, all ready for summer. Her hair was golden brown waving a little in the wind.
"So are you gonna stand there all day or are you gonna to get in the car?"
The car smelled of rich perfume, It was a black viper, I wondered what cheap sell out got her this one.
"New car?" I didn’t know why I asked the question I already knew the answer to. I guess I just like hearing the reasoning behind the answer.
"Yeah, yeah it’s new... well it’s not really mine I’m just using it right now."
"So who’s car is it? It’s really something."
She was nervous I could tell in the way she used her hands when she talked. "Oh! It’s just some guy who I’m going out with now. You met him I’m sure, Graham and Frank used to play golf together. How is Frank anyways? Still working at the factory?"
I remembered Graham. He owned some savings bank or something along that line. It seemed every time he came around he would fill Frank’s head with ideas he never carried out. Later he blamed me for all his unsuccesses in life.
"How long have you and Graham been a thing?" I sidestepped her question about Frank. I knew I couldn’t keep this up forever, I wonder what Graham could have told about Frank and me. Did she know? Was she just waiting for me to come clean? Did she blame me as I did?
"I wouldn’t really say we are a thing. Just a few dates here and there, nothing serious of course you know me always keep it simple.”
"So? What happened with Jason? He still around?"
"Jason… well he’s back with Tara now. You know how things get, but yes we are still close. I had lunch with him yesterday."
Jason was the only recurring boyfriend in Ally’s life. Every other man she wrote off before they even had a shot with her. At one point they were even engaged. It didn’t last long; it never does with them. They start off hot and heavy, and end with a crash and burn. Jason crawled back to Tara and Ally crawled into any guy’s bed.
The sun blazed, down and my skin started to stick to the black leather seats when we pulled up into the park. I felt like a child seeing the world for the very first time. Everything was so new, yet the same. The old broken down wobbly swing set I had received my first kiss on was now a restored double swing set with a slide at the end.
I would know her anywhere with her long brown hair pulled back into a bun, the crazy tie die cloths, and always had some kind of book in her hand. Caroline, despite her rebellious lifestyle loved high school. In fact, she graduated top of our class. Everyone was so intimidated by her brain. I found it so amusing when boy’s would send her love notes and such, she would fix their spelling mistakes and grammar before sending it back to them with foot notes. She sat on the bench with some romance book in her hand.
"wow it feels like old times being back"
Ally gave me a jealous look i had almost forgot what to me was old times was everyday life for her. A part of me pitted her for never leaving this empty town, another part of me envied her for never really having the fear of the world outside are small town. Ally was a big fish in a small pool, to scared to swim outside her safe zone.
"I don't believe it could this really be Jennifer Conway?"
Caroline and Ally took a good look at each other then me and started smiling right away

hey baby

2009-03-29T05:27:32Z

Hey ya`ll

]
so ok first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZAL ZAL YOU SKANK. well yesterday was the PJ party at the hospital that i helped out at i later changed the pass from PJ to BJ cuz i feel it look better (lol). I saw my tot grace there and that made me really happy she is so cute i love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After that me and ash hung out with dave and nick always amazing time with them assholes. I couldn`t sleep over nicks cuz of stupid CCD errr fuck that, but what ever he can sleep over my house next Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kk well thats all right now bye bye b

.

2009-03-15T15:52:14Z

Well last night was epically fun but kinda wired in a way.............

so it was ash ash birth day but the strange thing is the most i saw her the whole day was when we went to go eat, even then i think only a few words were really said to each other. Me and THE Nick Hansen went in zal zals car and the rest went with Dave we were supposed to see watchmen (with i am dying to see) but then they siad we was seeing fired up and i really felt no need to waste money on that crap but since it was ash ash b-day i didn`t care but then we find out they went into watchmen and it was already like and hr into it. I was unsure of what movie room they were in, and i really couldn`t sit there not knowing the beginning, so there were 3 hr left to kill. Zal zal The Nick Hansen and me went on an epic sum what road trip!!!!!!!!!!!!! we went to random places did random things and had so much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I find that i connect more with people last at night driving around more then any other time idk why just the mood i`m in.

Hhaha on the way bacl to ash house a cop pulled zal over cuz she forgot a tun signal it was kndda funny luckily he let us go....... All i remember at ash ash house was watch 100 % green day.

ok so i must tell you this i was in one of my classes (not going to give now out the person name) But he came out to me!!!!!!!!!!! I have been friends with him for a few years and always felt there was something he wasn`t telling me but i wasn`t going to push him to cuz i wantted him to feel ok about it. the thing that made me so happy was he said he felt safe tell me that and i just felt so warm inside haha i feel like in a way i helped him idk how but i guess i must have if he felt like he could trust me with that. i promised i wouldn`t go blaa this out and thats why i will give no name i just wannted to express how amazing it felt!!!!!!!!!!! OH and he mad me this it was so amazing

dream list

2009-03-04T02:18:42Z

1) pass high school
2) travel
3) learn french, German, Italian,Russian, sign language
4)sing in a band
5) be a roady
6) road trip with the people i truly car for
7) here someone say " i love you" to me and they actully mean
8) writ somthing that changes someone life
9) meet green day there are alot of bands i want to meet but if it came down to picking one it be them
10)own my own daycare center
11)own an adoption agency becuse no child should have to feel complicity abandon
12) have kids of my own
13) maybe elope
14) inspire something beautiful
15) move the fuck out of this shity town
16) live with someone i truly love
17) i want to be in playboy because i feel that ultimately that will show how beautiful i am if i become beautiful
18) be a berlesk dancing becuse again ultimaly i fell that it is a beautiful art form exsprsing myself that will boost my self esteem
19) be in an indies film
20) get plastic sugary
21) make a documentary
22) be in an actual committed relationship at least once in my life
23) go to a legit party
24)give birth naturally no kids of mine are going to come into this world doped up
25) stay as open minded as i can
26) form an animal rights group and give back to mother nature in non PETA way
27) keep my strong independence never let someone control that
28) find a way not block out my past just help me deal with it better
30) own a drug rehab center
31) have a big family and cook every day
32) have people remember me and not replace me once i am no longer needed in there lives
33) get a valentine that means something just once
34)get a legit pretty dress with nice shoes my hair done up nice and if only for one night i wanna look like a princes i want people to not be able to take their eyes of me because i look so amazing beautiful not all the time just once
35)fix my teeth
36)meet Adam sandler, Giovanni ribis, James marsden, Jamie Bell, Lou Pucci, shia labeouf, Jake Gyllenhaal, robert downey jr Leonardo DiCaprio
37)keep a time book and put valued pic and other things in it
38)change my name
39)lose wight
40)start a mosh pit
41)skydive
42) make a sex tap (that no one will see but me and the guy)
43)bungee jump
44) join mile high club
45) have sex in a field at night with strawberry fields~ by the Beatles
46)watch dilhan transform into a blakk girl
47) be in a Broadway play
48) hang glide
49)open a Mental retardation home
50)move into an apartment with ash and Dilhan Nick and Dave and all sleep in the same bed yesssssss
51) eat better
52) fix my fuck up sleeping patten
53) get my own bathroom
54) befriend tough guys so i`m always protected
55)help someone i mean really help someone
56)help myself i mean really help myself
57)stop blaming myself for everything
58)i wanna be good enough for someone
59) rush a stage
60) capture the feelinngs the night brings
61) live on the streets of NY
62) vacation to England
63) backpack throughout Europe
64) make another version of the everlong video by the foo fighters i love the one they made but every time i hear the song i get a vision in my head
65) go to Nashville Tennessee
66) try jack denies
67) move to San Fransisco
68) go to Amsterdam and have weed brownies
69) try acid
70) spend a month in Vegas with someone i love loosening money and gaining it in a hotel sweet
71) get pulled up on stage at a green day show to sing
72) go on tour with underground bands
73) trash a hotel room
74) sleep with tre cool
75) have a song written just for me
76) meet somone the way Billie Joe meet his wife <3
77) lead an interesting life
78) take a drive one night and see where i end up
79) find a cure for some disease
80) when i feel my life is interesting or if i feel that way i want to make a video diary so when i`m gone someone can find it

more to come

danceswithtre @ 2009-02-27T20:50:00

2009-02-28T04:34:51Z

I remember small mundane facts of my suicide. There was the sound of the dripping water slipping into the tube as the clock on the kitchen wall echoed thought the dim house. Jamie`s voice soothed me into a deep unconscious sleep. They say that when you die you see a bright light guiding you into your after life. That's what I saw coming for me. A dark tunnel with one light shining through and a man's voice. In my head I wondered was this an act of God? Or some kind of demon tricking me into a hell I could not escape? What the light lead to, or what it meant did not matter now, all I could think was to follow the calm whisper of a man I had yet to meet

At the end of the tunnel the light flashed off. A loud beeping nsound surrounded me, I fell to the floor with my hands over my ears and closed my eyes tight. Everything around me was shaking and I could feel a sharp pain in my chest, this was death coming for me I knew. At once everything in my life played in my head like a home video, from my first steep to my last. My breathing stopped and I was sure of the fate that was at hand for me. I took in one last breath and as I opened to breath out I grabbed onto something, something cold and long, my eyes still did not open.

"Angie, I`m here please Angie.....please," that was the last thing I heard, the whiney creaking voice of Jamie calling for me.

I awoke in a hospital bed hooked up to an IV machine. All my color had not yet returned to me. Over in the corner by the bar covered windows Jamie lay asleep on a chair. At once I started removing the tubes from me, peeling the tape that held it one drop of water fell from my eyes and almost as if Jamie could sense the tear fallen from me he jumped from the chair at once.

"ANGIE!" he said this with a sound of shock in his voice, now he was at my bed side holding my colorless, cold hand, kissing it softly I could feel body heat burning in me. "Oh god Angie I`m so sorry,I thought...I thought i losT..." he stopped, not even wanting to think of the words.

I lifted myself, putting a hand on his cheek asking him the only question I could think to ask, "How did I get here?"

Jamie took a deep breath in walking around first then coming back to my side, "I...I found...I found you," his voice was so harsh it could cut though wood. We both knew there was more to tell but I could see in his light blue gray eyes he was not going to go any further. He kissed me lightly bringing some life back into my face, "Angie, I-I love you."

I had waited almost two years for such beautiful words to come out of Jamie`s heart, the hesitation let me know I would still be waiting. I did not let on I knew his words were shameful lies. Instead, I smiled brightly at him. It grew silent for a moment, but hearing my mother shouting at the doctor from outside the room broke that.

"That is insane!" she spoke with an arraignment tone in her voice. "What do you think you know about MY daughter? Did you know I raised her all by myself? I think I know my daughter!"

I couldn`t help but think of the doctor, and how many times a day he would have to handle people like my mom. How many people like me?

Mr. Williams, my doctor, walked in the room and just one look i could tell he wasn`t your typical doctor. He looked young and was very hansom. His thick blond hair curved up a bit over to the left side of his head, it was easy to tell it was gelled. His arms were strong and toned, and his teeth so perfectly straight, when he smiled walking in the room i could see a spark in his light blue eyes as if there was a secret yet to be told. Jamie was a shrimp next to him, a slim bodied boy with messy light brown hair parted in any direction on his head, his eye color had faded from a vibrant blue into a plain grey color. His teeth were stained with caffeine from his daily cup of fresh coffee, nowhere near as dazzling as the doctor's.

"Hi Angie I`m doctor Williams, how are you feeling?" his hand reached out to mine for a strong handshake. His voice was deep with a hint of sensitivity in it

"I-I`m fine"

"Everything's feeling ok? No head aches, or chest pain, anything like that?" I saw him writing on my chart as I shook my head.

"I would like to ask both of you to leave now, I need to speak with Angie alone."

My mother gave him a look, getting ready to say something, so I intervened before she could contaminate the air with her harshness. "MOM!" she was in shook at the sight of me in the thin paper dress, my unwashed hair, but most importantly my bandaged wrist. She said nothing only blankly looked at me with her mouth opened nodding her head as her and Jamie walk away in silence.

The doctor kept writing things down, in his book still not speaking. The scribble of the the pen on the paper grew louder and louder with every word, I couldn't help but contemplating what he thought of me, not just as a doctor. A million fuck up`s walk into this hospital every day, and his job is to fix us like we're the broken toy in the bin. His head lifted and his bright smile gave a strong sense of comfort.

"Angie, it says here that you're seventeen years old, is that correct?" He of course already knew the answer to this, but what else could he have started with? I nodded my head, "Senior year that must be stressful, have you been looking in to any good schools?"

His procrastination angered me, and my curiosity as to what he was writing down confused my choice of words. "Can we get to the fucking point?" i said bluntly.

He did not look stunned or caught off guard by this at all, more of he was waiting for me to go on.

"What are you writing down about me?" I asked him in a weak voice, he did not answer, this time I asked again only adding more depth and volume to my words. "What the fuck are you writing down about me? Fuck! I`m not stupid I know how I got here! And even if I try to forget I can just look down and remember!"

I was almost in tears. Beginning to see this is what he had planned all along. I shut up, but my breathing got heavier, when I was able to unclench the bed sheets and breathe evenly, in a low sheepish whisper I asked, "What's going to happen to me?"

Again he was not surprised, but I was. I had never known myself to care at all about were I was going, or how things would pan out. I guess I just didn`t see how delicate youth is. In that moment everything changed. I was no longer allowed to be Angie.

Chapter 2
A year had past since that day. I wasn`t sent to Greenfield Home, mother agreed that if I would go to counseling three times a week, and take the pills as prescribed there would be no need for Greenfield. However if I failed to live up to this agreement she already had a bag packed for me in the back of her closet. Between her and Jamie closely watching me it would almost impossible to break any of the new rules. Mother would drop me off at school where Jenny, who conveniently had every class with me could walk beside me. In the afternoons when school let out Jamie would pull up with his jet black volvo. It seemed the only place I still had freedom was in my head.

Freedom came when Jamie had to visit his father upstate, leaving me to walk home alone. I longed for the day my freedom would would return to me. And now it was finally time to breathe in the cool refreshing breath of the summer. Walking alone watching the kids fly by on skate boards and roller blades. I loved hearing the foot steeps clacking against the side walk. i closed my eyes for a moment and sat under an old oak tree.
I could feel pounding against the ground coming toward me, Shutting my eyes even more now as if the foots pounding was all in my head and i could make it go away.
" Angie, what are you doing?" o heard a soft chuckle drifted into the air
before my eyes could even open i could tell who the mystery man was. I knew from the soft sent if colon, and soothing voice it could be doctor Williams.
Almost falling right back to the ground he helped me catch my balance myself up holding me tight into him
" woow woo take it easy... Are you ok?" i couldn`t tell if he was asking this as a doctor or if he really wanted to know either way i didn`t answer him but only gave a polite look
" well believe it or not i was just on my way to see you" He said this with a little bit of sarcasm in his voice that made me wonder what his intentions were, as if he could read my thoughts he put a hand to him moth and cracked a smile.
" i was coming to see how things were adjusting to everything... i know it must be pretty scary for you Angie"
all though i would say it out loud the thought of coming to check up on me was in some way an attraction
" you don`t talk much do you Angie.. What is it you think i came to see you for?"
"thats just it.." i said softy looking down at the side walk as we moved on " i don`t know why" He stopped short changing his tone from sarcastic to oddly confused. "I`ll be honest.....When i saw you that day in my hospital, and how close we came to losing you that day the strangest thoughts ran though my head." He gave a smile over my way but said nothing more leaving my curiosity unfed. " Would you like a ride home my car is parked right over there . He pointed to the red BMW across the street. It look New not a scratch on it, the smart idea would be to say no and just walk home and go on about my day, so of course i got in the car. Again it look to fresh and clean to be a used car. He seced my eyes woundering around and again a smile came over his face " Its a birthday gift (pause) From myself to myself" I now realized there had been no ring on his finger and no cheap Polaroid picture of some random bleach Blondie haing from his mirror. " so tell me why again you were coming to see me?" He seems startled by this question and give a strange look
" I... i was coming to see how you where doing i wanted to cheek up on you i`m a doctor it is my job"
His words seemed defensive and i still did not understand fully
" But its not your job anymore, And why wait this long to come and as you put it cheek up on me"
i look out the window seeing the trees pass and people stumble by he still didnt answer.
" I have to pick up something up at my house before i take you home is that ok with you?" i nodded slowly looking out the car window. The rest of the ride i spent looking outside the tinted windows.

danceswithtre @ 2009-02-22T22:41:00

2009-02-23T03:59:07Z

He won tonight because he deserved to, not becuse off of any sympathetic vote

R.I.P

even with a year passing by it was still so hard to be in Jane & Joe`s house. Looking at her deck and all the life she had brought to it, know i would no more see her up there looking down on my on me. this post i

this is for everyone
who is lost
in the hopes that one day
we can see a day
where no one is lost

No matter how much time passes we never forget
~~the death of~~ one can affect millions

Don`t------ tell me what i wann hear

2009-02-21T05:06:31Z

HEY Y`ALL

OK so i know its been forever since i have posted

i am sorry, well not really

OK i guess this is the part were i catch you up on everything

Well the big reason why i stopped writing was becuse my life had become a blaaa of nothing and i found it hard to post all of that I AM BACK and with inspiration.

A year ago i was not who i am now, not even close. for instance my taste in men has gottten much much better!!!!!!!!!

OK my name changes from melissa to Holly to Alice

Melissa: the old boring me who had nothing to say and no one to confined in, i feel personally Melissa is dead

Holly: is a symbol of my rebellion, and my need for chaos. Holly is the person always inside of me waiting to burst out.

Alice: MY hopeful dreamy mind, my wonderland.

I give myself different names because i feel like they are different parts me.

i only trust a few people this days because everyone els around me has failed to show me any love
the people i trust in the most are
Ash and her boy toy Dave: I meet ash in the 4Th grade and she was the only person to actully really get to know me and care about me from the start. Dave i meet last year and at first i didn`t know what to think of him he was cool and his music taste really interested me in hanging with him, the more i got to know him the more respect i found i had in him. For example last year i spilled a slurpee all over his year book.I felt sooo bad and knew he would flip a shit, but he really didn`t at allz and was so cool about it. I was worried he would hold that over my head whenever he wanted but he never did,

Nick+ Dilhan:
Nick Hansen: i know everyone must know Nick come one he has a fan club~!!!!!!! Well anyway I used to call him it back in 9th grade becuse he had such long thin hair and it was sooo funny. In 10th grade he was in my study hall WITH SHORTER HAIR!!! for the first few week i would look over at him and map out in my head what i thought he was like. MY dreamy mind came uup with many story's on what i thought nick was going to be like. One day dalton started talking to him and started to also (yeah). From then on i sat next to him every day!! His humor always kept me laughing. I kindda like him but at the time one of my friends did so i saw it as nothing. I gotten to know himz alot more over the time that i wasn`t writing to you
He is much different then what he was in the beginning of meeting him, he is confusing, and amazing all at the same time
Dilhan: He may only be a a freshmen, but fuck that he is one of the most kick ass kids EVER!!!! I love this kid he is so alsom and with just one day in meeting him at art club he has become one of my best friends. I always know i gonna have a good time with him !!!

OK so there are the main people i trust right there!!!!!!!! (YEAH)

I hate who i used to be and how much low esteem i used to have and the way i saw people.

My mood changes from over thinking EVERYTHING to the point where i freak out and don`t know what to do with myself..... to complicity passionately rebellious

i will try and update more but i can`t promise anthing because i try to keep a free living life, take things moment by moment i don`t like to relive the past or stress so much about the future. I LIVE FOR TODAY

oh one last little thing I MET JOEL MCHALE yesterday

here some green day porn

2008-09-20T02:55:02Z

it was dark alomst to dark to see but tre could find his way to the bed as if all the lights were shing down on it. turning on the strobe light as he sat down on the bed rubbing oil on his shirtless riped chest...his pants were half off half on on he now lied down on the water bed with the red hot covers, and black furry handcuffs swing from the hook on the wall. The music start to screaming out the speakerz , and a look of exsitment come over Tres face and his cock soon became stiff...................................................... waling now to the bed in slow motion sudictive way lifting her legs with every step wearing black theather, and fish nets with a red wipe, licking the dry blood from her lips!! Sitted on top of try now looking down at his face lifiting the wipe for a momnt then droping it to his hard chest lauging as she dose, tre lets out a yell of painfull pleaser pulls the wipe away from his cheast seeing the mark start to turn red............ taking the hand cuff off the hook and taking Tres soft smothed oild up hands letrting the oil meet her skin as she cuffs him to the bed post closeing the handcuff so tight they cut into Tre`s wrist bit and blood drips down!!! Tre thoughis back his head clenching his teth togther letting no sound out yet..................................She droops her head to his neck poring out wipe cream from his neck all the way down to his pants sucking on the littel bit left on her finger as she slowly places her toung on his neck, he freezes at first letting out a breath closing clenching his teth down as hard as he can. The more she lick the more he can feel the wet soft vibrent felling of her toung slowly makeing it way down to his pants, it becomes to hard to figh back his vocie he bit on his lip but he feels exsitment start to come up and he can`t any more he lets out a yell that even with blood sex, and booz blasting so lousd it made the whole room shake you could still her Tre as he yell
" OH!!!!!!! GOOOD!!!!!"\

As heyells this out his hole body lifts in the air for only a momrnt then he fall back onto the wavey bed letting it over take him... she likes hiim up and down still leaving his pants half on making her way to head holfing his spiked up lighgt brown hair in her hand prrssing her face to his ear. her vocie louf but soft as she speaks letting the heat from her breath hit his ear and tingle down his spine
"SCREAM AT ME UNTIL MY EARS BLEED!!!" She can feel with the tip of her foot that Tres cock is growing hardery the moment and a grin spreads upone his face and he leets out an orgasmic laugh his light blue eys opeing for a momnt to look down at her now undoing his pants striping them off his cock stick up as her moth take it in sucking slowly at first playing with his ball as she starts to blow a littel harder...........As the speed picks up tre legs lifet from off the bed he liftes his head back letting his orgasmic voice sinbg out as "dominatied love slave" blast out of the speakerz the red stobe light flashing on them.

(more to come tomoroow)

story time!!!

2008-07-21T20:55:42Z

Hey yall

i know its been a long time but i`m here now and instead of writing point less bull shit i`m gonna be paosting some of the stories i`v been writing woot

so here we goo

(ok i just wann point out that i started writng this last year it not about anyone it just my writings so with that said hope you all like it

THERE HE WAS SITTING IN HIS CAR IN MY DRIVE WAY. HE COULDN`T EVEN LOOK UP AT ME WHEN HE SAID GODBYE TO ME LIKE I WAS SOME SORT OF SICKNEES HE JUST KEEPED HIS HEAD DOWN AND GAVE A SMALL WAVE WITH HIS HAND. I WALK OUT CLOSING THE DOOR VERY LIGHTLY. I HATED THE WAY I FELT ABOUT MYSLEF RIGHT NOW. I`D NEVER BEFOR DRANK THAT MUCH IN ONE NIGHT. IT WASN`T SO MUCH OF THE DRINKING THAT I HATED MYSELF FOR IT WHAT I DID THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT. ICOULD COVER UP THE SMEEL OF BOOZ AND SMOKES WITH PERFUME BUT NOTHING COULD COVER UP MY FACE OR MY HAIR. COULD I REALLY HAVE SONE THAT AND COULD IT REALLY HAVE BEEN JON I DID IT WITH. I TRIED TO SHCKE THE THOUGHT OF THIS FAR OUT OF MY HEAD MABYE IF I TRIED HARD I COULD FORGET ALL ABOUT WHAT HAPPEED. NOW I HAD BIGGER THING TO WORRY ABOUT MY MOM.
I SLOWLY WALK UP MY PATH TO MY FRONT DOOR OPEING IT SO SLOWLY SO THAT NO SOUND COULD BE MADE. FOR A MOMENT I FELT SO SAFE BUT I KNEW IT WOULDN`T LAST. AS I CEEPED TO THE STIARS A LIGHT FLASHED ON AND I DIDN`T EVEN TRUN MY BACK. I STOOD ON THE FIRST STEP FROZEN I COULDN`T MOVE MY FACE FELL TO THE FLOOR. I NOW TRUND TO FACE HER I FELT A SHARP PAN GO INTO MY STOMACH AS I LOOK AT HER PUFFED UP FACE AND HER WATTERY EYES. ALL SHE SAID AT FIRST WAS WHY OVER AND OVER AGAIN I WAS SHAKEING COULD SHE HAVE FOUND OUT HOW COULD SHE HAVE . BUT THENN FINILY SHE SPOKE MORE MY HEART FELL BACK INTO PLACE WHN I HEARD ABOUT HOW I WAS SUPOSED TO BE HOME AT 12 AND IT WAS NOW 4. THEN SHE ASK ME WHERE I WAS AND ALL I HAD TO THINK FAST KINDA HARD TO DO WITH A HANG OVER. I MADE UP SOME STORY ABOOUT HOW ANNA HAD CALLED ME TO SLEEP OVER BUT THEN HER BROTHER JAKE CAME BACK FROM SCHOOL AND THERE WAS NO ROOM. IT WASN`T MY BEST LIE BUT IT WOULD DO FOR NOW.
THERE WAS SOME YELLING AND SOME CRING AND I GOT GROUNDED FOR ABOUT 2 WEEK WITCH I WAS JUST FINE WITH I DIDN`T FELL MUCH LIKE SEEING ANYONE RIGHT NOW. I WALK BAKC TO MY ROOM AND SHUT THE DOOR FALLING TO MY BED.
I HATED HOW I COULD ONLY REMEMBER PART OF THE NIGHT AND NOW THEY FLASHED IN MY HEAD LIKE FILM PLAYING OVER AND OVER AGAIN JUST REMINDING ME OF EVER THING THAT WENT WRONG.I`D LIKE TO SAY THAT JON TRICKED ME INTO GOING OFF WITH HIM AND THAT HE SEDUCED ME ITO IT BUT NO THERE WAS NON OF THAT I WAS DRUNK BUT NOT SO MUCH THAT I COULDN`T UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS DOING.
JUST WHEN I`D BEGAN TO FALL ALSEEP A KNOK CAME SLAMMING ON MY DOOR IT FELL LIKE TRUCKS RAMING INTO MY DOOR I JUST WANNTED THE SOUND TO END I SLOWLY PICK MY HEAD UP OFF MY PILLOW DRAGGING MYSELF OVER OPENING THE DOOR AND FRANK MY YOUNGER BROTHER WAS STANDING IN THE DOOR WAY
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT YOU LITTLE FREAK" AS I SAID THIS MY VOICE CRACKED.
"IT TIME TO GO SO GET READY"
I JUST LOOK AT HIM FOR A MOMENT LOOKING AT THE CLOCK IT WAS NOW 7 HE HAD SUMMER SCHOOL AND I HAD TO DRIVE HIM. COULD THIS DAY GETT ANY SHITER.

I`D HAD TO WAIT AT 3 RED LIGHT COMING OVER TO THE SCHOOL EACH TIME I ALOMST FELL ASLEEP AT THE WEEL.FRANK HAD ASK ME IF I WAS FEELING OK I FELT SO CRAPPY LIEING TO HIM NOT TO MOM CUZ IT WAS MOM BUT POOR FRANK HE WAS JUST TO YOUNG TO KNOW THE TRUTH SO I JUST TOLD HIM I FELT A COLD COMING ON. FRANK WAS THE YOUNGEST I HAD A OLDER SISSTER AND ANTHER BROTHER BUT WE ALL HAD TO WATCH OUT FOR FRANK CUZ HE ALWAYS WAS SO CHILDISH AFTER DAD LEFT WE HAD TO TELL HIM ALL THAT BULL SHIT LIKE HE MAY COME BACK OR HE JUST NEEDS A BREAK. WE ALL KNEW HE WAS NEVER GONNA COME HOME OR CALL BUT FRANK COULDN`T EXSEPT THAT SO WE LIED. WE LIED TO PROTECT HIS HEART.
AFTER I DROPED HIM OFF I DIDN`T FEEL MUCH LIKE DRIVING HOME IT WAS TO FAR AWAY TO DO SO I PARK BY THE TRAIN TRACKS. I SAT ON THE TOP OF MY CAR WATCING THE SKY CHANG AND WONDERING WHERE I WAS GONNA GO FROM HERE. COMEING HER FELT SO SAFE AND SO RIGHT. TO MOST PEOPLE THIS WAS JUST AN OLD RAIL ROAD THAT WAS A DUMSTER. TO ME IT WAS A HOME WALKING THIS TRACK WAS THE ONLY TIME THING SEEMED TO FELL GOOD. IT ALWAYS FELT LIKE THING CAME TO LIFE. THE SOUND OF THE WIND WAS A VOICE SPEAKING TO ME CALMING ME LETTING ME KNOW I WAS NEVER ALONE. I SAT THERE FOR ABOUT AN HR LETTING MY LIFE GO AS I DREAMED.
I WAS IN A GRASS FELD WALKING AROUND AT FIRST I WAS ALONE JUST SMEELLING THE AIR AND WATCHING THE FLOWES BLOOM THIS WAS MY HAPPY PLACE THE PLACE I`D DREAM ABOUT NIGHT AFTER NIGHT. BUT THN I SAW SOMONE IN THE DISTANCE. AT FIRST I JUST SAW THE BACK OF THIS PERSON HEAD THAY HAD HAIR THAT WENT DOWN TO THE NECK BLACK AS NIGHT AND PALE SKIN I RAN TO THEM YOU KNOW HOW IN DREAMS WHEN SOMTHING SEEMS TO FEET AWAY BUT WHEN YOU RUN TO THEM IT LIKE 200 FEET AWAY. I BEGAN TO RUN AND EVERTHING AROUND ME WENT BLACK AND ALL I COULD SEE WITH THIS BOY WITH BLACK HAIR AND A PLAD SHIRT AND TIGHT BLACK PANTS WITH VERY PALE SKING. JUST BEFOR I MADE IT I THOUGHT OF IT AND BEFOR HE EVEN TURND AROUND TO FACE ME I KNEW THE BOY WAS JON.
HE NOW WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT ME SMILING AND I SAID NOTHING I JUST FELL ON HIM. I WAS LAUGING AND EVERTHING AND NOW THE GREEN GRASS CAME BACK AND THE FLOWES THE DREAM FELT SO REAL AND I DIDN`T WANNT TO WAKE UP AND GO BACK TO MY REAL BOREING UN EVENTFUL LIFE BEING HERE WAS MUCH MORE FUN BUT THEN THE SOUND OF MY CELL PHON RANG BRING BACK INOT THE REAL WORLD.
IT WAS MOM CALLING TO KNO WHERE I WAS I TOLD HER I HIT TRAFFIC AND BE HOME SOON. HALF WAY HOME I REALIZED I HAD A FUCKING DREAM ABOUT JON!! HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPED I MEAN I`V HAD DREAMS WITH BOYS IN THEM BEFOR AND STUFF BUT MOSTLY WITH CELEBRUTIES REALLY. EVEN WHEN I WAS DATEING TOM ROLLY WHO WAS ONE OF THE HOTIES KIDS IN OUR CLASS DID I DREAM ABOUT HIM. COULD I REALLY HAVE HAD A DREAM ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND I COULDN`T HAVE NOT JON MY MIND COULDN`T STOP PLAYING THIS OVER IN MY HEAD THAT ON THE WAY HOME I MUST HAVE PAST AT LEAST 3 RED LIGHTS NOT MY BEST DAY. I FINILY CAME DOWN FROM MY PANIC AND REALIZIED THAT IT MUST BE BECUSE OF WHAT HAPPED WITH US AND WE HAD BEEN SO CLOSE SINCE WE WHERE 4 YEARS OLD SO REALLY THE DREAM WAS NOTHING AT ALL.
AS I WALK IN THE DOOR MY BROTHER EDDE CAME DOWN THE STAIRS AND FOR A MOMENT I JUST LOOK AT HIM AND FOR THE FIRST TIME I REALLY DID SEE HOW MUCH HE LOOKED LIKE MY FATHER. I KNOW IT KILLED HIM SO MUCH TO LOOK LIKE A MAN HE HATED MOST OF HIS LIFE. EDDE HAD IT THE HARDEST EVEN BEFOR DAD LEFT HE WAS ALWAYS PUSHING EDDE TO BE SOMTHING ALL EDDE WANTED TO DO WAS DRAW BUT DAD ALWAYS SAID "DRAWING WILL NEVER GET YOU ANY MONEY YOU WANNA MAKE MONEY YOU BETTER LEARN TO ETHER FIXS UP CARS OR YOU BETTER BE ONE HELL OF A SPORTSMEN" SO EVERY DAY DAD TAKE EDDE TO THE COURT AND THEY WOULD PLAY BASKETBALL. HE WAS TRAINED TO PLAY THAT EVER SINCE HE WAS ABOUT 5 OR 6. THEN WHEN DAD LEFT EDDE HAD TO BE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE. MANDY WAS 18 AND WENT OFF TO SCHOOL EDDE WAS ABOUT 17 I WAS 15 AND FRANK WAS 7. MOM TRIED TO GET US ALL IN FAMILY THERAPY. WE WENT BUT WE ALL KNOEW IT WOULDN`T HELP MUCH AND THEN EDDE BECAME A DAD FOR THE HOUSE I ALWAYS FELT BAD HE STOPED DRAWING AND JUST BECAME SOMTHING HE HATED. HE GOT A JOB AT A SPORT STORE AND WOKED EVER NIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.
"COULD YOU BE ANYMORE LATER GOD HOW MUCH TRAFFIC DID YOU GET INTO"COULD TELL HE WAS MAD NOT JUST FROM HIS TONE BUT ALSO THE WAY HE WAS FIXING HIS TIE WITH SO MUCH FORCE.I TRIED NOT TO SOUND LIKE A BICTH
"I`M SORRY I HAD TO TAKE OUR 10 YEAR OLD BROTHER TO SCHOOL" I DIDNT EVEN TAKE A FULL BREATH WHEN HE SNAPED BACK
"OH DON`T EVEN GIVE ME THAT BULL SHIT! YOU TAKE HIM 2 EVERY WEEK TO SUMMER SCHOOL BIG FUCKING DEAL I HAVE TO GO OUT THERE WORK MY AS OF SO HE CAN GO TO FUCKING SUMMER SCHOOL" THIS WAS VERY TRUE.
"SO JUST THIS ONCE DON`T BE A BICTH AND JUST GIVE ME THE CAR KEYS SO SOMONE CAN GET SOME MONEY FOR THIS FAMILY"
I DON`T KNOW WHY WE FOUGHT SO MUCH. BUT ITS JUST THE WAY IT WENT. HE ENVED ME FOR BEING THE WAY I WAS ITS NOT THAT I DON`T HAVE A JOB I JUST DON`T HAVE TO TAKE IT AS CRAZY AS HE DOES I ONLY WORK 3 DAYS A WEEK AT A CHILD CARE CENTER. AND MY SISTER IS GONE SO WE GET NOTHING FROM HER AND MY BROTHER FRANK IS TO YOUNG TO WORK. MOM ALWAY FINDS JOBS BUT SHES MORE OF A FREE BIRD AS SHE SAYS AND CAN`T BE KEEP TO LONG IN ONE PLACE OR SHE WILL LOSE HER SPRIT.
THE REST OF THE WEEK WENT BY LIKE THIS ME JUST MOOPING AROUND NOT CAREING AND HIDDING OUT IN MY ROOM. BECA CALLED ME 3 TIMES TO SEE HOW I WAS. BECA AND I HAD BEEN FRIEND SINCE WE WHERE 5 AND SHE WAS LIKE THE MOTHER OF OUR GROUP SHE ALAWYS MADE SURE I WAS OK AND I COULD ALWAYS TALK TO HER ABOUT ANTHING. COULD I TELL HER WHAT HAD HAPPEDN BETWEEN ME AND JON EACH TIME SHE CALLED IT ALL I COUULD THINK OF. WHTAWOULD SHE SAY? HOW WOULD SHE FEEL? WOULD SHE THINK DIFFRENT OF ME? I HATED KEEPING THIS FROM HER. SO ON THE 3 CALL I HAD TO TELL HER MY HEART WAS KILLING ME. I SAID IT SO FAST THAT I DIDN`T EVEN HEAR IT BUT DID SHE? SHE DID!!! SHE PUT ON HER MOTHER VOICE THE ONE THAT ALWAY LET ME KNOW SHE WASN`T GONNA JUDGE BUT SHE WASN`T HAPPY. SHE KEEPED ME ON THE PHON FOR OVER AN HR
" i just looking out for you you holly. i love you but you never think of how things are gonna turn out it great to live in the moment but to forget about everthing els in your life isn`t good" I felt like i was 5 years old agiain she keeped talking all i could say was "i know" or " your right i`m sorry" god i hate this talks if i wannted one i`d go tom my mom(never will happen)

CHAPTER 2

MY GROUNDING WAS OVER AND ANNA WAS HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT AND I COULDN`T WAIT TO GO BUT I DIDN`T KNOW WHAT IS WAS GONNA BE LIKE SEEING JON AGAIN I WONDER IF ANTHING WOULD CHANGE. ITRIED NOT TOO THINK ABOUT THAT AS I GOT READY FINILY A RESON TO WAKE UP AND GET CHANGE. ONE WEEK IN THIS HOUSE AND I JUST ABOUT TO FALL OFF THE EDGE.
MY CELL PHON RANG OFF AS I FELT THE VIBRATIONS WHENI WAS PUTTING ON REYELINER JUMMPING WHEN I HEARD IT DRAWING A DARK LINE ON MY FACE "OH SHIT DAMN IT!" I THEW MY EYELINER TO THE FLOOR LOKKING AT THE PHON AND WHO DO YOU THINK IT WAS JON. MY HEAND SHAKED LIKE CRAZZY. I LET IT RING 3 MORE TIME BEFOR PICKING UP NOT KNOW ANTHING TO SAY.
" UMM HELLO WHO IS THIS?" I SAID THIS IS THE LOWEST VOICE EVER I WONDER IF HE EVEN HEARD ME.
" WHO IS THIS?" HE SAID AS HE LAUGHTED " YOU HAVE CALLER ID YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS GOD GIRL SOMTIMES YOU ARE SOO FUNNY"
I COULDN`T HELP BUT LAUGH ALONG WITH HIM "SO IF YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS NOW I WAS JUST CALLING TO TELL YOU I CAN GIVE YOU A RIDE TO ANNAS HOUSE IF YOU WANNT" I FELL SILENT FOR A BIT I DIDN`T KNOW WHAT TO SAY THAT ALL HE CALLED ABOUT REALLY?
"YOU STILL THERE HOLLYY?" I WAS JUST LOOKING DEEPLY INTO MY MIROR DAZING OFF AFTER HE SAID THAT I SNAPED BACK INTO LIFE JUST THINK THAT NOT MISSING A STEP " UMM YEAH I`M STILL HERE THAT WILL BE FINE THANKS
" K I`LL SWING BY IN LIKE AND HR THEN YOU HAVE TO HELP ME PICK OUT SOME NEW CLOSE CUZ I`M A GUY AND DON`T KNOW ANTHING" WE BOTH LAUGHTED AT THIS AND SAID OUR GOODBYES AND HUNG UP.
SO THAT WAS IT? THAT WAS ALL I GOT? WAS THAT REALLY? IT NOT LIKE I THOUGHT SOMTHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN BUT SOMETHING OTHER THEN THAT REALLY! I JUST TRIED TO BUSH IT OUT AND GO ON GETTING READY BUT SOMTHING IN ME JUST COULDN`T BELIVE THAT WAS IT?
I COULD HEAR THE MUSIC FROM HIS CAR BLASTING IN MY DRIVE WAY SO I GRABED MY BAG AND LOOK AT MYSELF IN MY MIRROR MY RED LIPSTICK STIILL PLACED PWEFECTLY ON MY LIPS. WALKING OUT TO THE LIVING ROOM I SAW MY MOM SITTING IN HER CHAIR READING SOMETHING SHE HAD ON HER PITLESS REDING GLASS THAT SHE DIDN`T EVEN NEED BUT FELT THEY MADE HER LOOK SMARTER ONLY A BUMM ASS WOULD THINK THAT.
"BYE MOM I`M GOING"
"ARE YOU WALKING THERE" NOT EVEN LOOKING UP FROM THE BOOK AS SHE TUND THE PAGES
" NO JONS OUTSID HE`S GOT HIS CAR SO BYE" JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO OOPEN THE DOOR AND MAKE MY ESCAPE SHE PULLS ME BACK IN
" OHH SO HE CAN`T COME TO THE DOOR HIMSELF?" HERE SHE GOSE AGAIN SHE ALWAYS HAD TO HAVE ALL MY FRIEDNS COME TO THE DOOR SO SHE COULD TALK WITH THEM ANTHEN WHENEVER I`D SAY A FRIENDS NAME SHE1D ACT AS IF SHE NVER HEARED OF THEM.
"MOM CAN WE NOT START THIS NOW CAN I JUST GO" BIG MISTAKE I JUAT MADE SHE PLACED HER BOOK DOWN ON THE FLOOR LOOK AT ME HARD NOW
" NOT START WHAT? HUN I`M SOORY THAT YOUR GONE ALMOST ALL THE TIME DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT WITH GOD KNOWS WHO AND THAT I`D LIKE TO BE APART OF YOUR LIFE."
I HATED WHEN SHE WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE THAT IT ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL MADE AT MYSELF AND I HATED THAT FEELING. MY FACE PUFFED UP AND MY LIPS JUST FELL I TOOK IN A DEEP BREATH RAISING MY HAND THEN DROPING IT AGIAN
" LOOK YOU ARE A PART OF MY LIFE A VERY BIG PART OF MY LIFE."
AS I SAID THIS IT FELT LESS AND LESS TRUE

(ok i have to go now i`ll post more latter or tomroow have funn with that if anyone readZ it)

danceswithtre @ 2008-07-10T19:38:00

2008-07-10T23:39:46Z

OK ALL I CAN SAY IS I HATE THAT I HAD TO PICK DARE CUZ RIGHT NOW I AM DIEING BUT THERE IS ONE MORE DAY LEFT WOULD RIGHT MORE BUT IF I DO IT WILL PUT THINGS IN MY HEAD

the pains i went through to avoid you

2008-07-01T17:41:04Z

hey y`all

so i know it been a while hafe is becuse i havn`t been abal to get on amd halfe is cuz i just didn1`t know how to post all of this to you guys not that anyone reads this but anyway here it is my life.

everyday i am hanging with freinds becuse i feel so depresed if i`m not when i`m, home i have to be what my family wannnts out of me i can`t be turly me cuz it would hurt them more then you know so hid all that away.

I have always been good at lieing but now it just become a big part of my life i lie pretty much ever day to my family!! But its what i have to do so whaever i am amazing at it to my mom and brothere are becomeing my dad ever since that night that suck ballz wee hey i`m just glad they will never know what really happened right?

ok so ash and dave are going out now i`m really happey for them but at the same time i hate the fact that it just a repeating thing that i like someone who will never like me back and i have to see them pretty much everyday but i`d rather see jame everyday know that its never going to happen then go back to the way my life was befor so i guess i just have to find some way to get over this if it doesn`t kill me first. likeing people sucks. god whay can`t we just be a group of friends without all of this shit going on but really that would most likly never happen..

don`t take this as an emo post it not it really just what up i don`t mean this stuff in a bad way but right now its myy life and who know what turn it is gonna take next

one thing is have to say i know every year i always say this is gonna be the best summer but really fuck that never gonna happen i`ll just make it what i wannt

today my parents are gone and i have the house to myself so a few friends are comeing over

so that really it my life right now in a nut shell sounds great right.....

damn it why must i like fall out boy i hate them but they are so damn catchy and i got them stuck in my head

For what it's worth It was worth all the while

2008-06-21T16:46:06Z

ok so i`ll try and make it fast ok so my mom and dad don`t come back

ok so thursday i hung out a james house with the azn and a few other people so anyway it was gettinmg late and really we didn`t wann go home now it was just me the azn and nick at james house

nick could sleep over if one of us could so we had this plan for all of us to sleep over the azn couldn`t but i told my mom and DAD I WAS AT HER HOUSE SLEEPING OVER

OK LET JUST LEAVE THE NIGHT AT THAT MABYE I GO INTO MORE DETAL SOME OTHER DAY

BUT THE NEXT MORRING I HAD NO TEST BUT NICK DID AND DIDN`T WANNNA GO ON THE BUSS ALONE SO I WENT WITH HIM (fuck me up)

SO Any way we waz chilling at school and the azn went all emo becuse thing where changing and blaaz blazz so i didn`t think it was a good time to tell her about last night so whatever.

so becuse of the bus driver the whole thing got fuck up he told my mom i was on the bus so the azn house was out i was freaking out as shit

so it went a bit better then i thougght it would anyway at first there was yelling and then not talkijg to me at all anyway i forget what story i told her but it was one that got me into less troubel then anytinh if i had told her only half of the real story i would be so dead right now!! so there was alot of talk about drugs and shit like that and i had to giver her all my friends ceel phon numbers and she took my phon i think i`m, getting back soon thou and now there at my brotheres game and i gootta clean the house ok bye

i just wann say that i don`t really regret much mabye the bus rid but that it next time something like this hapens i`l be bettter

nothing can hurt me today

2008-06-13T21:08:08Z

hey y`all sorry it has been a while since i have posted but since my basement computer isn`t working i have you use this one and my over protected family has to watch every move i make.

OK so a short recap of all the shit that went down

ok so fugly slut did go to the movie but he think i`m weird and he went cuz it was a big group thin my hople is that over the summer he`ll hang out with us more and mabeye at least not think i`m so weird

i got a yearbook yessss i have friends ahaa i`m gonna miss em so much next year
wen`t over nicks house we played brawl i actuly wasn`t that bad yeah me

happy LATE birth day to one sexxy beast

ok yesterday was one of the best days ever it was the last day of club nerd so we had to have a party!!! ok so first i had 3 bawlz god it is soo goood fuck red bull that is shit next to bawlz!! oh dave is gonna me a drink called deez nuts and i`m gonna be the tester so i can say i was the first to taste deez nuts!!!! ok so after we had our bawls we where all going to someones house at the house we had a big ass orgy ahha god it was soo much funn ahah it was ne spaz dave ash and nick and few other people ahah god i feel so loved!!! so after that i had to tell my dad i was staying out he said to be home aroud like 7 in my book 10:34 is around 7 ahahah!! so we wen`t to dave played brawl for like an hr then went to asish house for some reson then james house man we orgyed everywhere woot!! we where sopsed to se a movie at & but missed the time so we saw kunfu panda at like 8 somthing i called my brother to tell my momz and poopz the ,ovie was kick ass god last night was truly a really good night i`m soo happy but also sad cuz dave and james are not gonna be here whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

IDK i`m looking this shit up but this band is orange they are really good abnd if i`m right they opend up for rancid when i went to see them

don`t ask me how i know this i just was looking at pic of them and they just feel so like i new

OH AND MONDAY IS THE LASTE FUCKING DAY OF SCHOOL

danceswithtre @ 2008-06-03T21:09:00

2008-06-04T01:27:48Z

HEY Y`ALL

OK LETS SEE WHAT IS GOING DOWN SHALL WE

OK SO FRIDAY IS THE BIG O I WOULD SAY MORE BUT MY MOMZ AND POPS ARE RIGHT OUT IN THE NEXT ROOM CUZ THE DOWNSATRS COMPUTER ISN`T WORKING SO I HAVE TO USE THIS ONE

OK FRIDAY ALSO IS ADAM SANDLERS NEW MOVIE AND I CAN`T WAIT I AM DIEING TO SEE IT AHAAA]

OK SO SINCE ASH AND ASIN CAN`T CAME I HAVE A PLAN

OK SO HEAR IT IS OK SO MY FRIEND ANN IN MY HEATH CLASS I `M GONNA ASK HER IF SHE WANNTS TO GO CUZ WE REALLY HAVEN`T HUNG OUT AND THEN I`M GONNA BE LIKE OHH HEY LETS ASK FUGGLY SLUT(THE GUY IN HEATH CLASS I LIKE) IF HE WANNT TO COME CHANCES ARE HE SAY NO BUT AT LEAST I`M GONNA GIVE IT A SHOT I REALLY REALLLY REALLY REALLLYR REALLY LIKE HIM IF HE SAYS YESS I THINK I`M GONNA JUMP ALL OVER AND BURST

OK SO I SAW ZALEX AS MOST OF YOU WILL KNOW FROM AS ASH POST I GUESS BUT ANYWAY I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE RELLY WEIRD OR SOMETHING BUT IT REALLY WAN`T IT WAS OK

WE WENT INTO BOBS AND SAT THERE AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPEND AT FIRST I DIN`T WANNN DO CUZ I JUST DIDN`T KNOW IF I COULD BUT I AM REALLY GLAD I DID IT SHOWS HIMTHE THE ONLY LIFE HE FUCK UP IS HIS OWNE HAHAA

OK SO NOT MUCH OTHER THEN THAT IT STILL FEELS REALLY CRAZY THAT THE YEAR IS ENDING

TOMROOOW DAY 1 HETH WITH FUGLY SLUT YESSS

Take me to that place that I call home Take away the strains of being lonely

2008-05-31T16:45:05Z

HEY Y`ALL

1.OK SO LET SEE YESTERDAY WAS THE last PLC for this year

2. went to see the stangers with ash,azin,james then the mall and then 7 eleven wooot

At the center of the earth,
In the parking lot,
Of the 7-11 where I was taught,
The motto was just a lie

The world is spinning around and around,
Out of control again,
From the 7-11 to the fear of breaking down,
So send my love a letterbomb,
And visit me in hell,
We're the ones going

_green day i miss you

it is so weird how the school year is almost over and that next year i`ll be a jounor it feels the same yet not the same you know what i mean???????

IT SUCK THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN MY GROUP OF FRIENDS ARE LEAVEING NEXT YEAR. I FINILY GET A LARGE GROUP OF FRIENDS( ~~WELL LARGER THEN I`V EVER HAD~~) AND THEY HAVE TO LEAVE IT JUST SUCK BALLZ BUT ALL I CAN DO IS MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT TIME I HAVE AND THAT ALL!!!!

THIS SUMMER I`M GOING TO CHECK OUT COLLEGES CUZ MY BROTHER STEVEN IS DOING SOO IASK IF I COULD SO I`M JUST CHEAKING OUT PLACES I WANN GO TO A WRITING SCOOL I THINK

Because the drugs never work They're gonna give you a smirk

2008-05-29T23:48:46Z

HEY Y`ALLL

OK I HAD HELL OF A GOOD DAY THANK GOD!!!!

OK WE REALLY DIDN`T DO THAT MUCH IN MY CLASSES WE WHERE WATCHING REGENTS REVIEW SHIT SO NOT THAT MUCH WORK!!!!
THE FAT ASS WHO LIKE ME DIDN`T TALK AT ALL THANK GOD WOOOT

LUNCH I SAT WITH CELIA

ENGLISH WE WATCH (A RAIN IN THE SUN)

MATH NOT MUCH (AS ALWAYS)

BUT HEATH I LOVED SOO MUCH SO FIRST WE HAD A SUB AND WE WEREN`T DOING MUCH I SAT NEXT TO AND AND FUGLY SLUT(MY NEW CRUSH) GOD IT WAS SO AMAZING I DIDN`T DO SHIT IWAS JUST SOO HAPPY HE WAS TALKING TO ME I WANTED TO BURST

AFTER SCHOOL HUNG WITH THE GANG AND MY PIMP

OH AND FOR ALL OF YOU MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE FANS OOUT THERE HERE IS THE TRAILER FOR THE BLACK PARADE IS DEAD!! COMING OUT JUNE 24

We had a place that we could call home, And a life no one could touch.

2008-05-27T21:22:41Z

ok sorry y`all about the lack of updates!! it was mostly becuse my computer is a fucking bitch!!!!

ok so let me tell what has been going on

ok girl scout camping whitch is always cool yeah

school is wasteing my time (what els is new))

ERRR TODAY I WAS SUPER DEPRESSED I DON`T REALLLY KNOW WHY ERRRR MERRRR FLEEERRRR

OK SO NOTHING REALLY HAS HAPPPEND I THINK THATS IT

but with you its hard to tell

2008-05-15T01:04:14Z

hey y`all

sorry i havn`t posted in a long time but my computer was being a gay ass hooker (what els is new)

there hasn`t been that much school is getting gayer (again what els is new) thank god i have music i think i would have shot myself if i didn`t i kill myself

gonna hang with ash this weekend and watch movies yeah movies that allahhhahaha

ohh one last thin happy late birth day to one of they sexist me alive.........................
Jon Decious

every time he touches a bass i can feel a baby kicking inside of me
\

So drive yourself insane tonight It's not that far away and I just filled up your tank earlier today

2008-05-09T00:32:20Z

hey y`alll

ok so today just mad me mad everyone in all my class has nothing better to do but bitch and moon like little 4 year old god i just wanted to snack them all i`d do anything to drowned there voices!! YEsh school suck ot but really if they wanna drop out and proble end up working at a fast food place living with there momy and dad all there life then fine i don`t care its not my life but really god shut the fuck up! BUT mabye if they humm i don`t know do something they may just pass high school they all bitching about how its soo easy then why are they all failing !!! I just don`t get it instead of doing something they know they can do they chocie to act like a bunch of tards

really yeah high school is crap and i fell like i not really learning that much but i`m not gonna fail what will that do really i wanna get out and the way to do it is to shut the fuck up and do the damn work!! I know there is something out there form me i got thing i wann do so why try and fuck it up

sorry i`m so angry i just can`t stand it anymore

baby I'm not asleep behind that door

2008-05-06T19:44:15Z

hey y`all

so anyway first off i got my new cell phone today!!!!!

you have no idea how sad i was when i got home to day i went in my room and 3 mine poster we riped and torn

i was ok until i found the picture of the pink spiders had been torn also and rip into peaces on my floor

it was so spacial because the first time i saw them live at billy baloneys and thgey fucking kick ass i couldn`t even speak i tried but my moth would not form words so i had to buy "Teenage Graffiti" and that was the tiny poster in side today i came home and wanted to die i know how stupid it is but that picture meant soo much to me it stood for something amazing every time i looked at it i felt the same as i did that day (Thank god my picture that Jon sight wasn`t destroyed) i have that right by my bed and if anything ever happen to that i don`t know what i do anyway i got most of the peaces and am gonna try my best to bring that picture back to life it wont be the same but it will be something!! it was more then a picture to me it was representation of that day

o just for all you pink spider fans out there they are gonna perform on hell`s kitchen tonight at 7:00

i think it was my cat trying to catch a fly or something and must have scratch them up catching a fly or something

In the state of mind in my own private suicide

2008-05-05T22:47:36Z

soo first of i must say happy late birth day to the one the only

mike dirnt one of the best fucking bass player ever

i really wantted to post last night but i got home to late to go on soo i`m sorry i had my shirt me and ash mad for him last year on when i went to work i am so proud to be a green day fan

ok so other then that not much is up ohh i am gonna go crazy for robert downey jr movies becuse i saw iron man and i have seen alot and he realy is one hell of an actor i don`t care about his past with drugs or any of that if he is a good actor that souldn`t matter to people!!! god i fucking love moviesss but you all redy knew that didn`t you!!!

danceswithtre @ 2008-05-03T15:29:00

2008-05-03T19:36:05Z

HEY Y`ALL

SO I HAD MY FIRST DAY OF WORK TODAY!!! I`M A BIG GIRL NOW I WAS THERE FROM 8:00 A:M TO 1:OO
TOMROOW I GO IN AT 3 NOT 8 TO SEE HOT THE REST OF THE DAY GOS AND GET OF AT LIKE 9:00

TONIGHT GOING TO SEE IRON MAN AGAIN GOD IT KICK SOOO MUCH ASS!!!!!!

I JUST AM SOO SAD BECUSE I JUST WEN TO ADAM SANDLERS WEB PAGE I HAVN`T GONE IN A WHILE CUZ THERE WAS NOTHING NEW BUT TODAY I FOUND OUT THAT MATZ (HIS DOG) DIED HOW SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE GOT A NEW DOG NAMED BABU BUT NO DOG CAN EVER TAKE MATZ PLACE

R.I.P YOU WHERE TULY ONE OF A KIND AND WILL BE MISSED SOO MUCH